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Music

 

Tammy Faye Starlite’s
Born Again Again

Saturday, June 11th
Joe’s Pub

Written by Wendy R. Williams
Photos by Krisztina Fazekas

Tammy Faye Starlite

 

I got this invitation in my email box: “The country-singing nymphomaniacal evangelist, Tammy Faye Starlite, is newly denarcotized. Live on radio station KKOK, she will be spreading His glorious gospel of truth in 'Born Again Again' for one show only at Joe's Pub on Saturday, June 11th at 9:30pm! It's the end of the world. And that's just the beginning.”

Hmm (I thought), they must have let her out of rehab again. And sure enough they did. I went down to Joe’s Pub and there she was preaching the gospel of Jesus to all the Jews, gays and Roman Catholics in her audience. And let me tell you, Tammy Faye’s preaching is the dirtiest nastiest preaching the dear Lord has ever heard. And she looks so innocent with her boobs bursting out of her pink halter-top dress and her diamond-pave shoes matching her diamond-studded Jesus cross. Tammy had just gotten out of Betty Ford, or Eileen Ford, or Gerald Ford or something-or-the-other (how is her little wet brain to know?). But she did know that she had hooked up with a cab drive named Richard while she was in rehab and was in love again.

With the help of Keith Hartel (acoustic guitar) who played Jim-Rob Gandy (a born again Christian who had just been cured of homosexuality), and Jeff Ward who played DJ Gareth Clover, Tammy rocked the stage with songs like:

"Oh My Jesus" - (T. Lang/K. Hartel)
"Born Again Again" - (T. Lang)
"God's A Hard Habit To Break" - (T.Lang)
"Richard (The Cabdriver Song)" - (T. Lang/K. Hartel)
"God Has Lodged A Tenant In My Uterus" - (T. Lang)
"Moonshiner's Child" - (T.Lang)
"The Jim Rob Song" - (T. Lang/E.Drysdale)
"The Phone Call" - (C. Twitty)
"Did I Shave My Vagina For This?" - (T. Lang/M. McCarron)
"Born Again Again" (Reprise) - (T. Lang)

There were some problems that night, like the fact that all the Jews, gays and RC’s in the audience wouldn’t convert to the real Christianity (even after she asked nice) and this was especially troublesome because the world was going to end that night (Richard the cab driver told her) and all these folks were going to burn in hell and it was going to be a hell where they stick things up you.

Then it turned out that her husband who was supposedly out parking the car was being unfaithful again (I don’t think the husband was Richard the cab driver, but I’m not sure). This was enough to make the girl sing several mournful choruses of, "Did I Shave My Vagina For This?".

Tammy Faye Starlite

And then the Voice Over (Michael Schiralli) spoke up and asked about her “raising.” Tammy naturally misunderstood and thought the Voice Over wanted to know about her clitoris. But she finally got things straight and sang a song about her childhood, "Moonshiner's Child."

One of the most fun parts of attending a Tammy Faye show is watching the reaction of the men in the audience. They just can’t believe their ears. Tammy is such a cute little thing and then all this filth comes out of her mouth. It is a hoot to watch them laugh. And there are going to be plenty of men to enjoy Tammy Faye, because she is going to be playing Provincetown for the entire month of August. Let’s see if she can get all of them to convert. (I bet there are some gays out there and maybe some of them are even Jews or RC’s.)

You can get Tammified by buying her not-to-be-missed CD’s. On My Knees is for sale at www.laugh.com and Used Country Female can be purchased at www.dieselonly.com For more information on Tammy Faye Starlite herself, log onto www.tammyfayestarlite.com

Rock on!

Wendy

 

 


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